2 alien8ed 2 blog?

I keep saying that I'm going to "start blogging again." My initial rationalization for my own lack of posting was that I didn't have time and wasn't "inspired"; first, I was traveling: no computer access, and I needed to "devote my time to my bros." Then I was working on a farm: blogging didn't feel very "organic," and I spent most of my time thinking about artichokes, potatoes, kale, sm0king w33d, and getting swoll. Then I was "living at home," i.e. preparing espresso beverages for overweight and wealthy residents of Georgetown, going to yoga and saying "ooom" while thinking about the attractive yuppies in spandex that surrounded me, and then going to bed at 11PM. None of these seemed to be conducive to the type of critical reflection and ironic meta-commentary which I supposed myself to be good at.

 

Yet with the exception of my liveblogging of Tool Academy - which I thought would be more transcendental than it was in the end - I've written nothing. The only reason I'm writing this right now is because I'm super-b0red. In fact it pains me to write this half-assed self-reflective bullshit, most of all because I look like a a live-journaler circa 2002. I think I've figured out the problem.

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com

 

http://www.autoadmit.com

 

Not that I thought I had a monopoly on ironic irony - i.e. the ironizing of one's own irony, the reflexive analysis of the failure of irony to achieve its critical intent - but these people just do it so much better. Here's an example from Autoadmit. This is an online discussion forum  - "The most prestigious law school admissions discussion forum in the world" - on which law school students post about various topics. Most of these topics are related to a. salaries at "BIGLAW" firms b. grades in law school c. making fun of women, blacks, Asians or Jews, and finally, d. prestige.  The forum is governed by an extremely strict discursive code; if you don't "get it," the forum will be completely unintelligible. This involves an ironic appropriation of all the cliches of wealthy white professionals. Thus the main point of discussion is the relative "prestige" of various situations, consumer goods, races, or sexual acts. A representative example:

 

 

ITT: I list the Prestigious Masterworks of "Classical Music

Date: October 12th, 2008 10:46 AM

Author: To be fair

 

To be fair,

 

This is a list of the MOST PRESTIGIOUS compositions from each era. This list is not all inclusive, but is merely meant to highlight the best of the best.

 

*Baroque Period*:

 

(Late) Monteverdi:

 

Selected Late Madrigals

 

The Coronation of Poppea

 

L'Orfeo

 

Bach -

 

Mass in b minor

 

St. Matthew Passion

 

The Art of the Fugue

 

WTC Bk. I and II

 

Handel -

 

"The Messiah"

 

*Classical Period*:

 

 

etc, etc. This is an exacting rehearsal of the tedium, pedantry, and arrogance of a corporate lawyer. Other posts sucessfully recreate the latter's sexism or racism (e.g.: "ITT: Rate this prestigious southern blonde," "rate this prestigious WGWAG"). Though in some cases the goal seems to be pure 'trolling' (e.g. threads with the subject heading "KIKE KIKE KIKE") the above example is much more subtle. We might wonder if in fact the poster is simply trying to prove his "prestige" (in this case, highbrow cultural literacy) yet the thread's topic contains a number of references which make it obvious to someone familiar with Autoadmit that the poster "gets it" (use of "ITT," acronym for "in this thread" and in this case completely redundant, use of "prestige," and most of all the use of extraneous capitalization ["MOST PRESTIGIOUS"]. So, s/he "gets it." But beyond that, the poster probably also "gets it" on a second level of reflexivity: that it is precisely this supposed self-awareness which is "prestigious," that prestige is actually a relatively useful term for describing the type of framework which gives the poster's  life meaning.

 

I won't waste any more time with my own meta-pedantry here, but the dilemma this raises should be relatively obvious. First of all, with regards to this second-order self-reflexivity or "post-irony," there is the question of whether it is meaningfully critical - whether the above poster is just rehearsing the same pedantry on a different level. I've addressed this in the past in regards to this blog.

 

Secondly - I think a large part of my hesitation to post comes from the realization that I'm getting pwned by people doing the same thing as me. Hipster Runoff is the primary example here. "Carles" has completely exhausted all of the memes that I thought were funny (LOLing at electro-bangers, authenticity, and hipster racism/sexism/consumerism etc). The bro-meme has been so co-opted that there is now a show on MTV called Bromance.

 

I'm going to try to come up with some new memes for my large reading public. In the meantime I will work on "real"-izing the backlog of my authentic experiences over the past half year or so. So like, stay tuned.

 

ITT: I liveblog TOOL ACADEMY

11:30: Just finished "Real Chance at Love", a spinoff of a spinoff of Flavor of Love. Was going to read Foucault but this looks more authentic/has more bearing on "The History of Sexuality."

11:32: These guys think they are competing for title of "Mr. Awesome" - but actually, they are trying to avoid pwnage (PUR OWNAGE) by their girlfriends who sent them to the "tool academy" bc they are gaytards.

ex: "my boyfriend's name is terrence...but, he goes by, Celebrity." pause.

so they think they are being celebrated for their bro-ness, but actually "we're all laughing at them" bc theyre bros.

this guy "Matsuflex," i'm actually 100% sure I met him at the pool at the Luxor in Vegas in June. I am going to find pictures to prove this. he was ordering RBVs. i was drinking free tequila shots out of plastic shot glasses (aka robotussin cups)

11:40: the bros are about to get pwned.

"are u guys ready 2 go inside and parti with the ladies"?

11:41 "where's the girls at?"

11:42: "there's been a slight change of plans." long pause. "there is no party" four censored expletives.

11:43 ok so, now it's a commerical break. i've never done this "liveblogging thing" before but just to pick up on what i was saying earlier: these guys think they are being affirmed in their broness, brodom, brodaciousness, all these other adjectives which have already been completely co-opted by exactly the demographic which i thought i was making fun of when i used them like 6 months ago. the point, supposedly, is that in fact they are...fuck commercial is over.

11:46: bullshit pro-feminist rhetoric. ("you've all been pretty crappy boyfriends.") "gentlemen: you are not, Mr. Awesome." medium pause. "you are all complete tools."

11:47: just realized that "liveblogging" is actually using twitter. i dont know how to tweet though - maybe i need to go to the "tool academy"?

11:48: unintentional lulz: "do you think i'm excited to be in like, a prison academy - bro?!!"

11:51: now they have a group therapy session. therapist is british. prestigious? one guy admits, "i guess there's some stuff i need to work on."

11:54: ok so back to what i was saying. the critique of humanism has been co-opted by humanism to reaffirm it's own openness to critique and thus completely eviscerated. thus it comes to seem "inauthentic" to, e.g., critique advertising for determining our interests and personalities because this has been recuperated for a bourgeois notion of aesthetic purity.  at the moment when the bro starts saying "bro" ironically, "bro" is no longer ironic. next commercial: was "bro" ever ironic?

12:00: this one girl took off her engagement ring because she thinks that it represents something "fake" now. i'm starting to think this might be scripted.

12:01 matsuflex: "black, asian white, i bang all sorts of chicks." is that a reference to that Calvin Harris song? 

12:03 b0red, checking out matsuflex's myspace. 

12:11: "she was trying to emasculate me, and im not gonna allow that, im gonna break some stuff, im gonna pick up this heavy chair and im gonna throw it. and you're gonna like it."

12:12: found a ph0to of matsuflex from my facebook:

12:14: matsuflex breaks out his "matsu-panties" (black HUGO BOSS underwear). is this progressive? i saw a tranny last night when i was running, she was carrying groceries. a small shiver ran down my back, and i finally "got" the tranny thing. how bataille-esque would it be to just, like, change your gender? the little thrill we get from 'acting a little gay' or. commercial is over.

12:19: mastuflex is making out with his girlfriend.

12:20: one of the bros: "i want to prove to america that i'm not a tool and that i can BE, Mr. Awesome." very interesting. this is a post-colonial strategy: use the liberatory ideology promulgated by the oppressor as a cover for domination to in fact resist processes of

 interpellated subjectification. instead of allowing himself to interpellated as "tool," he reclaims the (manifestly illusory) rallying cry of Mr. Awesome. did anyone see "The X Files: I Want to Believe"? or Miami Vice? 

12:25: is it even worth discussing the fact that this is scripted? how could i rise above the level of irony already implicit in this show?

12:26: final scene, where one gets eliminated: they are all wearing thom browne.

12:28: more evidence of colonialism, specifically "identifying with your oppressor": when dmitiri, after getting eliminated, says, "i know i'm not a tool," one of the other guys scoffs, suggesting that he has appropriated the discursive framework of the Tool Academy. does this have potential as a strategy for revealing the inherent "lack" on which discourse is based (Santner)? i.e., is it possible that this guy, by asserting that dmitri's being kicked off the show represents some sort of ontological failure (that he "really is" a tool, and that that really means something - even though just one day ago they had never heard of "The Tool Academy" and it

's linguistic rules), is revealing the inherent constructedness of the tool/non-tool (even, perhaps, bro/non-bro) dichotomy? could we go a step further and say that he is in fact revealing the arbitary nature of linguistic meaning itself (Derrida)?

stay tuned for Tool Academy 2: